Lost skills

Looking back at my writing of late, I'm realizing how sloppy I've gotten in anything not full blown pay attention to it sort of writing.

I blame this, in part, on MMOS.  This, of course, is complete and utter baloney.

I feel like I need to go back to school.  Bleh.

Twelve Steps for a Procrationalizationic

Life is a whirlwind sometimes.

Right now, that whirlwind has landed me in New Hampshire.

I've now got a bit of a pass as to being able to focus more on writing again. There will always be day-to-day things that will eat away at waking time, and once again I find myself in need of that boring old thing called discipline.

One of the things I did before the move was join an e-list for writers, which I then promptly let slide leading up to, during, and after the move until today. In my post intro-ing myself there, I used a word, which isn't real as far as I know: procrationalization. This, of course, is meant to be a combination of Procrastination and Rationalization, to denote that the former is often hand in hand and even fueled with the latter.

Somewhere along the way between then and now, I'm wondering if there would be a Twelve Step Program for such a habit, although to follow the model, I guess it would be called Procrationalizism. So, if for no other reason than to write and attempt to be a bit goofy, here goes. (I should note that I'm a spiritualist, so the God part, I'm changing to mean the support base of writer sympathizers.)

1. I've admitted I was powerless over procrationalizing—that my life had become unmanageable.

2. I've come to believe that a Collective Power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.

3. I've made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of that power as I understand it.

4. I've made a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself.

5. I've admitted to the Collective Power, to myself, and to another human being the exact nature of my wrongs.

6. I'm entirely ready to have the Collective Power remove all these defects of character.

7. I humbly asked the Collective Power to remove my shortcomings.

8. I've made a list of all persons I have harmed, and become willing to make amends to them all.

9. I've made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10.I continue to take personal inventory, and when I was wrong promptly admitted it.

11.I sought through prayer and meditation to improve my conscious contact with the Collective Power as I understood it, asking only for knowledge of its will for me and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, I tried to carry this message to procrationalizationics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.


Right now, I've taken 1-3 steps to heart, and I've still a bit to go on #4.

Time will tell how I do.

The house is a mess, and the first draft's still not finished.

Now that the mild afterglow of the nano is wearing off, I'm finding myself faced with a mess of a house, and a mess of an unfinished first draft.

Had I been able to spend last month pounding myself into the routine of so many words a night, I may have continued on, but I did not, and have not.

So, here it is, eight days after the nano's close, and I've not even looked at my aftermath messes. I can already feel New Year's like resolutions swelling inside me of how next year I will be prepared, things will be different. But next year is far away, and both my home and my book need to be put in order.

Tonight, I will start chipping away at the month long crud that shows itself in dust bunnies and unwashed dishes and clothing. I may not get far, but as with everything that makes the potential routines of life, it will be a start, and eventually I will get back to some semblance of where I need things to be.

As to when I will brave cracking open the draft, and begin to sort through the chaos, I cannot say. I'm still doing a bit of writing here and there, still unpacking, and still reading. The time must be made, but right now I haven't slotted it.

There's also work to be found as well. That's something I can no longer avoid, and now that my excuse of the nano is past me, I have to saddle myself back into the trudging path of the self employed on a more full time basis.

These things too, shall pass.

And then it was December.

Despite everything I learned in my first nano, the nagging of my inner editor eats away at my victory like the odd nail in the sole of your shoe that scrapes just enough of the fibers of your socks that you just can't figure out what's the deal with craftmanship these days.

Yes, I have over 50,000 words under my belt towards To see clearly that I did not have before I found out about that interesting challenge. But it's also an unfinished mess. Not suprising, given how I barely started with a notion, forgot a decent outline or any type of to do or character list.

So there is still much that needs to be done before that body of work might ever cross the hands of anyone other than family and friends. Now the bigger challenge is fitting that sort of writing back into a life that has already been out of whack schedule wise.

I know it will happen. I just have to try to be patient until habits fall into place. It's always easiest to throw in the towel when you slip--more so than when the odds seem impossible. So that's what I shall strive to do.

Time will tell, as it always does.

The wall of time

I was up and running, and then real life ate away at the word count I was steadily building.

Knowing where I'm supposed to be could be a bit nerve-wracking, but I also know how much time I have ahead of me. Certain obligations have been taken care of, others still lurk in the remainder of this month, but the truth of the matter is that I still have sixteen days to finish.

Today, I will be putting aside at least an hour for the nano. I'm hoping it gets me closer to 4,000 words at worst. Time will tell.

I'm still very much excited about this body of work, I've just not had the time for it as yet that I had hoped to somehow find to squeeze it in.

One good thing about being so far behind, it will be a great stimulus to just keep pushing ahead, and to not dwell too much about what is being written.

Onwards!

I can't believe it worked.

I came into the nano project without a clue as to what I'd write about. I have a lot of backburner things that I've just not had time to develop, but I didn't want to limit myself to any of them, nor did I want to get wrapped up trying to find that one shiny penny that I simply must work on.

Instead, what I did was approach the first day with a plain ol' dump session. If it came to mind, I typed it in until life events interrupted me.

The next few days were mostly constructive procrastion days, in which I kept the nano in the back of my head.

Yesterday, I finally got back into the nano. When I opened my file, I saw quite a mess of unrelated goings on. Then I happened to finally get into the forum, to find a thread about posting your first line. So into the mess I dove, and found one line that really stuck with me.

That's what I started with. Yes, I cut and pasted everything to a "dump" file just in case, but I then started the same process from that one sentence.

And off I went. Although I felt weird breaking one of the cardinal rules (no self editing), it felt right, and I ran with it.

Several hours later, I found myself once again dumping almost everything I had written. I'm still not totally clear on how I got to where I'm now running with clear direction, but the jump start I wanted, I got.

I may be behind on the suggested word count, but I'm already making good on catching up. 1/10th of the way that I need to be by midnight tonight to be on par with the target suggestion. Not bad, considering I was down to less than 100 words twice in the last 24 hours, and I took a few days off.

Pressing on...

The biggest time suck of nanowrimo...

...is the website.

I keep forgetting it's near pointless for me to try to actually get into the site most times (unless it's 3am), because the site obviously can't handle the traffic. Still I try, but hopefully some time this week, my brain will finally hone in on the fact that more common hour site usage is a bad idea.

One thing that has been an odd result for me with the nano is that my methods of procrastination as I work out what I want to do is helping me get a lot of other projects done around the house.

I will never understand my penchant for constructive procrastination, but I do sincerely appreciate that I do it all the same.